distortions in reality

I slip out of my body sometimes and observe my soul drift away from all the flesh covering the skeleton. Funny to think that poking holes on the coverage could break through so many layers and damage the most delicate thing that’s caged and covered by the body. I see it all from my own eyes and let that register in my brain. Sometimes that’s the critic I don’t need, at the most unwanted moments. It’s sad to see myself lose it all, relapse to the same old disease that I spent infinite hours on, trying to heal.

At some point in the movie I don’t want to be the protagonist anymore. I find myself losing interest in the acting and just wanting to be the audience. Trying to choose between what’s to be given to whom makes me confused. My brain is like a programmer desperately trying to find and fix the glitches but it’s never a clear picture. There’s always a haze. I do terrible things to this pound of flesh I claim to love but that’s just us. We don’t affect the people we dislike at the least because we grow indifferent to them.

We keep on tormenting the ones we love. Loving stimulates hate don’t you think? They’re more correlated than we ever realise. The opposite of love isn’t hate it’s indifference and I keep repeating this mantra to me because I can’t make proper proportions of my emotions towards my own self. I’ve always been bad at mathematics. Indifferent rather…

At the end of the day my soul astral projects itself and goes for a tour of the life it gets to live outside of being bounded by heavy flesh it destroys because on the inside it knows it’s freer once it’s demolished.

Can’t say that’s a sign of indifference. It comes back to my body because it has these obligations to fulfill but it’s taking me a rung higher everytime it poisons my body because the unspoken deal is that we both depart at freedom. Freedom, free from obligations. We’ll find it at death.

(I know this is dark, like really dark but there’s gotta be people who feel the same right? If you’re one, I hope the words bring you some kind of comfort. You’re so not alone.)